I make the same mistake every time I get a new job.
Somehow I got it into my head that the right job will mean I no longer need hobbies. I seek work that will happily consume me, and to which I will willingly give all my spare time, convincing myself, every time, that I am completely fulfilled with desk work. I have never been salaried, so I always imagine that treating my contract job like this will rapidly move me up the ladder- after all, salaried jobs occasionally require one’s total focus.
If my life was a scary movie, we’d be yelling “Don’t go in there!” with each job change.
Case in point: I bailed on Ghoul’s Errand because I started working for a cable provider, and boy did I want to do it right. After the initial gloss wore off, I realized my basic function is to wait for a problem to arise, then tell other people about it. That’s all. That’s it. And while we wait, we can watch literally anything in the catalog… included a decent selection of horror.
So for a while I glutted myself, thinking the joy was in the watching, only to find that I’m the only coworker with any real appreciation for the finer, scarier things in life: no one wanted to watch them with me. Slowly I gave up on that, and almost immediately fell into a pit of doubt and self loathing. My old demons sat on my shoulders and whispered into my ears:
>You don’t like your job.
No, I don’t like my job.
>You don’t like anything.
No, I don’t like anything.
Meanwhile, boyfriend was putting together an Amazon order and trying to make it large enough to qualify for free shipping. He shouted out did I want anything? and before he finished the sentence I was yelling “GOODNIGHT MOMMY”.
And I realized I had an answer for the demons.
I love scary movies.
>No, you don’t.
Yes, I do, and I like writing about them even more.
And faced with the truth, they ran off screaming. I’m positive they’ll come back for the sequel, but the shock at seeing them won’t.
So I’m back, and slowly saving up money in the hopes that I can support being an author full time (turns out I do like working at a desk as long as I’m doing something intelligent). Thanks to the daily overexposure, and largely for want of time, you’re going to have to take quality over quantity, heaven forbid.
Thanks for bearing with me, guys! There’s a really interesting one coming soon, I promise.